Friday, November 11, 2016

Has the Bell Tolled

I am still far from impervious to the mood and emotional swings of the days, and yesterday was no exception. I was talking to my wife about how many things there are to do on a daily basis that we just cannot keep up on. It is difficult for me to accept that she endures stress that I am unable to listen too, because it can send me into a spiral. Just listening for a few minutes yesterday, and understanding my impotency to help made my feelings turn darker. Fortunately, as time went on, I distracted myself with schoolwork and things improved.

This, coupled with my thoughts earlier this week, concern me that the time has come for that looming darkness to dig its nails back in for a while. I'm not giving up, by any means, but I want to be prepared for the worst. Of course the last few months have been horrible, mentally, but it has to improve at some point. Right? I suppose it could get worse, but let's ignore that possibility, because it isn't a viable option. A major improvement is the lack of suicidal ideations. Let's pray those stay at bay.

I feel like I need a coping mechanism beyond schoolwork and generally keeping busy. I think that a good hobby might help. At home I have several possibilities, but when I finally get some free time (hahaha), I usually just want to lay down and watch a movie.

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