Monday, March 27, 2017

Fulminate Confusion

The Fulcrum

I'm tired. There is just too much to do in the day. I came home early from school today so that Lex could get some sleep. She had been up since 2 with my sick daughter, and she works the graveyard shift tonight. It wasn't horrible. I got schoolwork done. But it seems that for every thing I do, 2 or 3 things take its place. The stress of school most definitely plays into my state of mind. God I wish I had done this when I was younger and had more energy (and of course less responsibilities).

I don't function well at night. It doesn't matter how much coffee I pump into myself. It's probably about time to call it. Overall, I must say that today has been better than the last couple. Hope. Hope is what I've got.

Is There Anybody Out There?

This is a true question of mine. Does anyone read this? My hit tracker shows numbers from places around the world, but I have never gotten so much as a message or comment. I wonder if all the traffic is merely search engine robots and spiders. If anybody is actually out there and reading this, I would ask that you make a comment or send me a message. I don't really care if it is positive, negative, or in-between. I just feel alone. Maybe that is selfish, but I put myself out there in these blogs and I don't even know if anyone gives a flip.

(As a side note, I bought the domain for 99 cents. Can't beat that. Unfortunately I was inundated with messages offering various services. One email I got, that seemed to be handwritten, pronounced that he could offer me a design and logo for my site. I literally responded with, "this is a personal blog about my struggle with depression and suicide, what makes you think I would want a logo?" To his credit, I did receive an apology email.)

But seriously, back to the readership point, if there is anything that anyone would like to hear me write about, I would love to know. Besides my daily throes, I have a long list of things I would eventually like to discuss on here. My personal experiences include:

  • crippling anxiety and self mutilation
  • meds, meds, and more meds
  • electroconvulsive therapy (ECT)
  • hospitalizations
  • and it goes on
I am a fairly open book and if I can help anyone navigate their own, personal experience, then I will gladly do what I can.

I truly do hope to hear from someone, whether it be a simple "Hi", or as far as "tell me about your experience with this..."

Can anyone tell that I am lonely. I suppose that is so obvious it's laughable. Hello and thank you to those of you that do read this.

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