Monday, April 10, 2017

Binge on the Fringe

It's Really Not That Simple

Yes or No. Fail or Succeed. It is easy to put those labels on and become overly inflated or hopelessly deflated. I have struggled with binge eating for years now. It is one of my stress-depression mitigating/coping mechanisms. However, it only fixes a very short term problem and adds to the overall longer,MUCH longer and larger, problem. But over the last month I have really started to get ahold of the binges and take control. It has been empowering and helpful. Not only do I feel that I have a hand in my destiny, I am losing weight and becoming healthier. 

But there are still slip ups. I woke up this morning stressed. 4am and the first thing on my mind was everything, a whole day of shit to do and things to accomplish. How the hell was this going to happen? BAM! Binge time. In the history of my binging, it wasn't that horrible. My stomach is not used to having all those things crammed into so quickly, anymore, so I had to stop. Still, in the span of about 30 minutes I had consumed about 1400 calories. Now I feel ill, both physically and mentally.

My Hope and Savior

What I try to hold onto is two things. A) I love the gym and have the time and energy to burn off most of that sin, but more importantly B) Tomorrow is a new day and I can start over. I just have to remember that today hasn't destroyed tomorrow, or the next day, or week, or forever. It is just a bump in the road.

Another thing that greatly helps is the feeling of discomfort and pain that comes with the binging. My memories fade. A week or two from now I might not think this was such a big deal, but for the next few days I will remember this and it will help me stay on path. 

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