Friday, July 7, 2017

Keep It Together

I am more than mere depression.

Sometimes I feel that all I am is a walking mental illness, and that it consumes me to the point that it is all I am. But I do have a life. (I know, I can hardly believe it too.) I have a wife and kids, I am deeply involved in my education, and I aspire to be even more involved in life. But it also scares me. It scares me deep down inside.

Summer school is wrapping up, but the fall semester looms on the horizon. I still have several ECT treatments to experience, and family obligations to deal with. All of that being said, I am working on getting a position in a cancer research lab on campus. The requirements for getting a position there are not simple, not simple at all. And they require a certain level of dedication. I believe that I have what it takes to become part of their team, but I am scared that my disease will come out and ruin everything. 

That which shouldn't define me, still scares the shit out of me.

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